She made the leap necessary to recognize that how others perceived her at
work would trump any of her good intentions. This was a pivotal shift.
Every once in a while life kicks our butt.
The Proverbial Wake-Up Call comes, and it’s usually when we least expect it. How we choose to handle the jolt is a direct reflection of the character we have developed up to that moment – or the character we’ve neglected to develop.
For one of my new coaching clients, the wake-up call came in the form of an ultimatum: she had one last chance to get her act together or the company she worked for would give her a severance package and show her the door. As the primary income earner for her household, this was a stark reality. And as someone with an oversensitive soul, I wasn’t sure she could face up to what it would take to get herself through this situation.
She was being given the choice to engage in long overdue self-development.
Two-and-a-half months later: she’s made a complete turnaround – probably the most remarkable I’ve ever seen. Not only has she kept her job and renewed relationships with colleagues, she wrote up a proposal for a totally new, more effective position for herself. The president of the company loves it.
And most inspiring is the life she is re-crafting for herself. Once she got a whiff of self-empowerment she immediately applied it to all areas of her life, including her relationships at home. She is re-visioning her life, and has never felt better about herself.
So how’d she do it?
• Start with “What Is”
We had the benefit of no-holds-barred feedback from her HR Director, which reflected the perceptions of her managers and colleagues. This gave us a glaringly clear view of what we were dealing with.
Her HR Director was honest, kind, and experienced enough to know the wisdom of giving a person another chance to see if they had it in them to step up to the plate.
• Establish a few ground rules
In this case, we agreed that there would be:
- No victim speak
- No getting teary-eyed at work. It was greatly hurting her credibility, as well as approachability
- No CYA emails and long explanations to justify behavior
There’s no question that she has a legitimate version of the unfolding events that led to this point, but focusing on trying to be right would not aid her development, or help her keep her job. Instead, she was able to agree to focus on her own contributing behaviors and what she could directly influence to make effective changes.
She made the leap necessary to recognize that how others perceived her at work would trump any of her good intentions. This was a pivotal shift.
• Use good self-assessments and 360s
It’s important to know when to administer an assessment tool. After working with her for a month she took the Hogan self-assessments. This gave us rich fuel for insight and application. A few weeks later, with solid footing and renewed confidence in herself, she was ready for a 360. People had already started responding to her more positively in the office as a result of the hard work she had done on making personal behavioral shifts, so the most recent interactions with her were front-of-mind for the people providing feedback. And this would give her a more accurate view of current state as we moved forward.
• Recognize that self-development is always life development
There’s no separating professional growth from personal growth. Her life at home is reflecting her enhanced sense of self worth as much, if not more, than what’s happening for her at work.
• Don’t be surprised by the surprises!
I have never worked with someone who was more ready for his or her own development than this client. She is an inspiration to us all – especially me.
Most of her colleagues had written her off. It’s often easier to think about replacing someone than to engage in the hard work of developmental support. In this case, having her leave would have been an egregious mistake. Through the insightful wisdom of her exceptional HR Director and some outside coaching support, she has restored her reputation and mended relationships. And she’s ready to focus on living a profound life.
She could have said ‘no’ to all of this. But she had the courage to say ‘yes.’
What would you have said?
I received this very thoughtful comment – wanted to share it with all of you. Thanks Wayne!
Hi Lori –
There is a lot of change in this person in a very short time – nearly the way one would see in a movie – and it is hard for me to get a feel for the problems she had with her supervisor and fellow workers. Obviously her problems were severe enough for termination even though it appears her job production was satisfactory. I don’t know what motivated her actions and I am not sure she really knew. With the information given by her HR Director and with your guidance she miraculously – in a short period of time – able to accept her character issues and face them.
Very few people accept these realities so rapidly. In my experience a person has to hit a bottom or near bottom to admit their inability to change others. The only person they can change is themselves and they can’t do it alone. They need the help of a power outside themselves, which in this case was you. With such a short recovery the danger is really big for a relapse to old ways as she thinks she has all her problems conquered. Usually when one has a character issue plainly seen there is something underneath that is really the cause and has to be uncovered for a recovery of the problem.
She admitted she had a problem and could not solve it. She asked for help as she could not solve the problem alone. She admitted her problem and discussed her problem with another person and worked for recovery. Now she must daily take inventory and when wrong, promptly admit it so as not to slip back into her old ways. She must look daily at her motivation for all decisions she makes. She must be willing to help others. This probably sounds like parts of a 12-step program and it is, as that is what I see working in this case, and in most problems we face.
Now she has the challenge of continuing her new life.
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